And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
‘Cause I’m done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
‘Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn.
And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
it’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat
‘Cause looking for Heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for Heaven, for the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me.
First time I saw Florence and The Machine was june 26th, 2011. They were opening for U2 in Ann Arbor.
I saw her move before I heard her sing. She was a vision made of fuchsia silk. The music started, her voice came and filled parts of my being I did not know existed. Hypnotized I watched. Her dress flew around violently. It created a dream. Her fiery, red hair carried on the wave of the movement and her voice guided them both… this image stuck with me. I have always been drawn to dance and performance and the electrifying energy that comes from it. There have been glimpses in my work of that but I don’t think I really went there. Why didn’t I ?? Well, because it’s very easy to fall into a pattern of doing things people want you to do, get comfortable and forget why you picked up a camera in the first place which was to SAY something… guilty as charged.
A few days ago I came back from FC 2014. A powerful, positive, loving experience after which you set hight goals for yourself. With all of the speakers’ messages still fresh in my head I felt inspired but quite overwhelmed and fearful. I believe I cried pretty much the entire day following my return home… I set all of my notes on the table and from time to time I would flip through and read at random. ” Fear is constricting, be fearless”, ” Commit wholeheartedly and swing for the fans, all in, balls out”, ” You Never really want to stop trying”, “BE YOURSELF!’, ”As an artist pursue other things”, “What would Anna see?” and really, I mean really ”Ask for wishes! “. So I did. On the second day home, with puffy eyes I got to my studio with my flamenco skirt, remote control and Florence’s Ceremonials. I did a test for that shoot over a year ago and never dared to finish afraid it might be too much, I might get too honest and people might judge. So yesterday I finished it. And then I cried a bit more when I was done because a weight was lifted off my shoulders… But let me tell you this is not a happy ending. This is the continuation of more hard work and struggle and yearning in hope to be a better person and a shooter. I will continue to fail more then I succeed, but it tuns out so does everybody else… The important thing is not to forget where you want to go.
And because this is a post about inspiration I want to just mention the name of a friend who embarked on a huge project with an insane amount of love and attention to so many of us and with that reminded me that I need to stop whining and start working. Rebecca Kiger, I’ve said it before, I ‘ll say it again. You Rock The Mothership.
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off
Lyrics by Florence Welch/ Shake it Out
Florence + the Machine